Gulp It In
When Mina was in 2nd grade, I remember very specifically walking her to school. I was a semiconductor broker then and worked mainly from home so I could do exactly this: walk Mina to school and be there when both girls returned home. I remember the walks to elementary school most because every day we would leash the dogs, grab the backpack, the lunch, the last minute signed papers, the scooter or however Mina wanted to traverse to school, and we bolted out the door like time was on fire. But once we hit the street, I willed time to slow down during the four-block walk. I told myself every single day of elementary school to take it all in:
The heartbreaking sweetness of Mina’s hand in mine, the dogs weaving in front of me, the smell of the Camphor trees that linen Idaho Avenue, the overgrown kelly-green grass, the other kids! Like the ones who were goofy and tripped as their feet were outgrowing their agility, or the ones who had peanut butter still on their faces, or the ones who told animated stories to their dads en route, or who were in costumes whether it was Halloween or not. Mina and I would tell our own stories along the way. Sometimes she recounted wild dreams. Sometimes we practiced spelling words as we walked.
When I was growing up — even in my best fantasies — I didn’t know I’d live the imperfectly perfect life like the one I had created, and I couldn’t absorb it in enough. Every day on those walks, I would gather the images like one gathers chips after winning their biggest poker pot.
Mina graduates from high school today. I have gulped in many moments since. And I’m sure I’ll gather as much as I can today when she walks in that flowing blue gown and cap cocked a little to the side. I’m trying to hold on to every last image as she prepares to leave for college to become absorbed into making the world a better place like we all know she will.
I suppose the point of this post is that things ebb and flow, come and go. At one point, we may think our whole existence is to raise good, fun, decent, contributing human beings, but when they are leaving we have to realize that this is just a piece of who we are. Evolution and change are inevitable. Can we adapt? Can I adapt? And be better for it? Can I savor all the times, all those beautiful images of when the girls were young, and not get stuck wallowing in the past? Time will tell, but I’m pretty sure that answer is yes even if accompanied by a little heartache.
20 DB Man makers (35-40% of 1RM FS)
40 DB Front squats
800m Farmer carry
15 Thrusters (95/65)
15 Lateral burpees