The God Jar
With a partner, alternate AMRAPs:
6 Rounds for Reps:
6 RKBS (32/24)
24 Double Unders
AND COMING THURSDAY
“Let Me See you Strip”
Complete for Time:
20 Dead Lifts (225/155)
30 Power Cleans (135/95)
40 Shoulder to Overhead (95/65)
50 Overhead Squats (45/33)
*EMOM 3 Burpees*
I found out last week that I have basal cell skin cancer. Everything’s fine. It’s the least dangerous of skin cancers. It’s rare that one dies from it. If left untreated, of course, it could wreak some havoc so it’s getting cut out next week.
I suppose any kind of scare – even when I know 100% it will be ok – can rattle a person. I wrote a blog post not too long ago about how, since I was a kid, I bottle up things that worry me – I seal it up tighter than a coffin. I’m expressive in many ways – as you guys know — but when I’m hurt or worried, down comes the lid. I’ve worked hard on this, especially in the last couple years, but it’s funny how when I received the call from the doctor my initial reaction was to go to the market and form a bubble around myself. I just wanted to wander the aisles and stare at inanimate objects and be present in a crowd of people who cared nothing for me. Julio would have been pissed had I waited too long, but I needed a minute. I just don’t want people to be concerned. I thought about having to tell Maya and Mina, and I needed a moment longer.
But why would I not allow myself to be cared for? Or invite well wishes my way? Or invite loving attention and have friends and family tell me what I needed to hear outside of myself: that everything will be ok?
When I got back from the market, and after I called Julio, I told Chip. It was an odd second choice for me, but I needed to test out my developing theory that others will care when I’m worried. Chip and I had already bonded over letting worries go when we had both created a “God Jar.” It was a project we did for a staff development course, and he and I were the only ones to create it: a place where we could write our worries, wishes, dreams – anything – and place in a jar, out of our own hands. The idea is to dissipate worry because now God or the Universe has it.
Chip received the news as I hoped he would. He listened attentively, said he would think good thoughts for me; told me everything would be ok. Then, because he’s Chip, he yelled: “IT’S IN THE HASHTAG GJ!” Meaning it was in the God Jar. And I laughed hard because he’s such a lovable goof. The laugh was a bit of relief too because he did care, which I guess is still a bit of a surprise.
I’m still working on this part of myself and I tell you guys all of this for a few reasons: Test out this trust yourselves. I’m here to tell you that it’s so much nicer to not have to bear it all internally. Maybe even create your own God Jar or Universe Jar. There is something profoundly powerful about writing down a worry or a dream and folding it up and putting it in the care of something bigger than ourselves.
The other thing is: Don’t wait too long to have something checked out. This thing on my forehead had been growing for over six years, and not getting it checked out is all related to how I like to bottle stuff up. I don’t want to hear bad news because I don’t want any fuss. And frankly that’s some bullshit. What if it had been worse? What would I tell Maya and Mina then? The doctor said my lifestyle and the way I eat very likely contributed to it developing so slowly, but still I’m kicking myself for being an idiot about it.
Please care for yourselves and trust that others do, too. Because, it turns out, they do.