The Secret Crying Place
9 squat cleans (135/95)
12 pullupsIf you walk out the front door of the gym, turn to the right, then right again into the alley, and you walk about a hundred feet north, you’ll see the right-hand wall recedes a bit, revealing parking places, and a short wood fence against the wall, ostensibly to keep cars from bumping it. The wood is a little above knee height, the perfect height to sit on and lean your back against the wall. A slightly uncomfortable , but solid perch.
This is where I used to sit and cry.
The workouts sometimes exhausted me and took down the bit of strength, the little wall that kept the inner voice out of my head and my head out of the dark place. And for me, in the dark place, the inner voice had only one thing to say – “I’m not good enough.”
I’m not good enough to do this workout right, to do this relationship right, to do this job right. When the physical exertion wore down my better judgments, “not good enough” took over and made me cry.
Maybe you have a thing your voice says or a place you go. Maybe your dark place happens right there in the gym, inside your head, or it snaps at others, or throws the bar down at the floor.
It’s okay to have a dark place. It’s okay to get mad and okay to cry. But know it’s not you and don’t invite it to stay. Open your eyes; let in the light. See it for what it is – the momentary tantrum of a two year old, the self-pity of a thirty-something, ego, insecurity, fear. Any way it appears, it’s not real and it’s not you.
Have your crying place, but don’t let it have you